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How Congress Really Works

Here's how Congress really works.

Someone proposes that we should all jump off a cliff, for whatever reason.

The newsies agree, and raise a stink about it.

A few anarchocapitalists point out that jumping off of cliffs is usually not a good idea. But since they are crazy loons who read Ayn Rand and Murray Rothbard, also crazy loons, the media and Congress ignore them.

A think tank points out that the tourism industry in the area of the designated cliffs will make lots of money as people wait in line for their chance. They are dismissed as conspiracy nuts.

A Representative, probably a Democrat, proposes a bill that we should all jump off a 750 foot cliff, and the federal bureaucracy is to make rules for how we will do it.

The Republicans in the Senate say that this is much too radical. The Senate passes a Republican bill, which says the we will all jump off a 250 foot cliff.

Nobody, including the sponsors, actually reads either bill.

The two houses meet in committee to reconcile the two bills, and bring out a bill that says we will all jump off a 600 foot cliff. Staffers sneak in provisions that nobody knows about, including one that requires that after everyone jumps off the cliff, only caskets sold by government approved undertakers may be used to bury the bodies.

Both houses approve the reconciled bill without reading it, and the President signs it.

The bureaucrats take two years to write the rules. These provide that anyone who does not jump off the cliff will be sent to a FEMA camp.

The environmentalists file suit, saying that the environmental, ah, impact statement doesn't take into account the Rhode Island Giant Squid, an endangered species. The government and the environmentalists settle out of court for millions in damages, none of which goes to actually helping the poor Rhode Island Giant Squid. The government also pays millions in lawyers fees, lawyers being almost as grasping as giant squid, and certainly not in any danger of extinction.

So, do you now understand how an allegedly Republican Congress can pass a budget bill that gives the Democratic leadership and Barack Obama everything they wanted?

“It was over a trillion dollars, it was all lumped together, 2,242 pages, nobody read it, so frankly my biggest complaint is that I have no idea what kind of things they stuck in that bill in the middle of the night,” Rand Paul, R-Ky., said on “The Cats Roundtable,” a New York-based radio talk show.

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Wednesday, 23 August 2017
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